There’s a lesson or more to be learnt in every encounter we make. People are there to press our buttons. Let every encounter make you a better person.
Stress exhibits itself in so many ways in different people. Many people don’t even realise that what it is causing their ailments is stress. Address the stress or cause of the stress, then you can resolve the ailment.
This is what happened to Sasha.
Sasha never had spots as a teenager. All of a sudden, in her early thirties, she developed a nasty case of Acne on her face..
How it all began:
Sasha lived with a guy. This was her first time ever living with a guy. It was strange to Sasha and really didn’t know how to adapt. Sasha had never been in a long-term relationship. She regarded herself as strange, compared to her friends and sisters, who all had steady relationships.
A mutual friend introduced Sasha to this guy and considered them to be a match. Relations were cordial and fun at the beginning, whilst Sasha tried to learn the ropes of living with a guy.
Sasha tried to be a good girlfriend. She even learnt to cook.🤷♀️ She changed her personality to what she thought was that of a good girl-friend.
The guy turned out to be verbally abusive, mainly due to his up-bringing. He could have gotten physically abusive, if Sasha had been a timid person. Luckily for him, she wasn’t.
One day, whilst they were watching TV, a lady was being hit by her husband in the programme. Sasha was aghast by the incident. This guy retorted that some women needed to be smacked to be taught a lesson.
Sasha turned round from the TV, faced him and stared straight into his eyes and said, ‘If any man makes the mistake of hitting me, I would break each and every bone in that man’s body. I will make sure his man-hood is mangled and he remains useless for the rest of his life’. The guy saw the look in Sasha’s eyes and backed down. He knew for certain, that he would never attempt to be physically abusive to Sasha.
He was still verbally abusive. The first time he demonstrated this trait, he called Sasha a ‘Liar’. No one had ever addressed Sasha as such and in such a manner, ever. She was upset and cried. The guy enjoyed watching Sasha cry. He took delight in hurting Sasha’s feeling.
The next time, he called Sasha more derogatory names. Sasha took a good look at him and shouted back at him and asked him to shut up and never address her like that, ever again. This got him excited. He now knew what buttons to press to get a reaction out of Sasha.
Third time, he called Sasha some nasty names, Sasha didn’t bother to respond. She asked him to come to the park with her. On arriving at the park, she cursed him. She called him very nasty names. She called his Mother names and told him his Mother did not bring him up to be a gentleman. Sasha told him a few sensitive home truths and described him as a useless piece of item of existence and he should just get himself off this planet.
The guy was shocked and almost started to cry. He never expected Sasha to say such hurtful home truths to him. He might have cried in secret, without letting Sasha know.
Sasha too was amazed at the words that spewed out of her mouth. She felt bad. She made up her mind that day that she was never going to bring herself to that guy or anyone’s low, gutter level, ever again. She vowed she would always maintain great conduct and high spirit, no matter the situation. Great lesson learnt.
Sasha new the relationship was over. She moved out of the bedroom, because she could not bring herself to have relations with a man like that, ever again. She now needed to get out of the relationship forever.
For the first week, the guy maintained cordial relationships with Sasha. Sasha kept out of his way as much as she could. He tried talking to her in a nasty tone, but Sasha never responded. Then he asked her sort of nicely, why she wasn’t responding to him. Sasha told him that she would respond, if he addressed her politely and respectfully. She said if he spoke to her in any other tone, she would simply assume that he was talking to himself.
From then on, if he wanted something from Sasha, he would ask politely and respectfully. If he didn’t ask politely, Sasha wouldn’t respond, then he would change his tone.
This went on for several months. They lived like house-mates. Sasha’s spots increased in numbers. Her face was riddled with spots and scars. It was highly embarrassing. Her dirty, spotty face expressed exactly how she felt inside: dirty, disgusted, trapped, a fake. Why did it carry on for so long? Sasha felt guilty. She hated to admit that this was yet another failed relationship. 😒
Three to four spots erupted on Sasha’s face everyday on her face for over a year. That was over a thousand spots on her face. The tiny spots were filled with pus. Sasha found it disgusting. She couldn’t help herself, she had to pinch the spots to drain the pus.
NB: This is a very dangerous thing to do as it can lead to infection in the face and into the brain, which can lead to Septicaemia and death. Please do not pinch your spots.
She tried everything. She knew exactly what the cause of the Stress Spots was. She felt dirty inside. She felt trapped. She needed out. HOW?
Sasha didn’t like Sasha. She vowed that if she ever got out of this relationship, she would remain true and authentic to herself. She vowed that whoever she related with in the future has to take her as she is: a free spirit, or just let her be. She vowed never to change her personality, in order to please anyone. She begged God to clean her up from inside out. She knew if her mind was clean and clear, her spots would clear up and her face would be clear.
Sasha went to the Doctor’s about her spots to rule out any physical problems. The Doctor ordered a Hormonal Assay, Blood Test and Pelvic Scan. She knew the results would be normal. She knew that the cause of her nasty spots lay deep within her. She needed out! All her results came out normal. Her Doctor prescribed Androgen Tablets for her spots. She practically fainted, after just one dose. She flushed the rest of the pills down the loo.
Sasha got a break! She got a three-month assignment in the US and left the country. What a relief. It was short-lived. At the end of her assignment, Sasha didn’t want to come back home. A voice in her called her coward and urged her to go and face her demon. The Voice told Sasha that she couldn’t keep running away from every problem. She had to address the situation, head on.
She returned home. The guy was still there. The guy accused Sasha of abandoning him and jetting off to the States. That was Sasha’s cue. Sasha drummed up the nerve and asked him to get out of her house. The guy was shocked. Sasha repeated herself one more time and gave him an ultimatum to be out of the house by the end of that month.
You cannot imagine the relief Sasha felt. The day the guy moved out, Sasha went to the park and screamed. She ran up and down the park, screaming with relief. She caused a spectacle but she didn’t care. She let out all that pent up emotion and irritation in the park. She felt so good.
She got back to the house and the guy was no longer there. She felt herself and her home starting to heal. She woke up the next morning and there were no new spots. As the days went by, the old spots started to dry up. She could feel the spots constricting, like little sores, forming scars.
Months later, she no longer had any spots. She jumped for joy. A little boy looked at her as said, ‘You have wrinkles’. Sasha picked up the little boy and twirled him up in air with so much joy in her heart. She told the little boy, ‘I’m happier with the wrinkles, than those dirty spots’.
‘Wrinkles’ — Another cue for Sasha. Sasha jumped into Tesco and bought herself a tub of L’ Oreal Anti-Wrinkle Cream. She smeared the cream on her face, day and night and within two weeks, her wrinkles smoothened out. She was only thirty-five, not old enough to be wrinkly.
By getting rid of the bane in her neck and vowing to be authentic to herself, Sasha’s spots cleared up. Her mind cleared up. Her skin cleared up.
Sasha was very lucky. At least, she wasn’t married to the guy. She got a lucky escape from buying a house together with him. She had no children for him. It was her own home and Sasha was self-sufficient. Despite that, getting out of the relationship and getting him out of her house still took a while.
What did Sasha learn from this?
Be yourself — Don’t change to impress someone or try to be what you are not. Change only because you choose to change and to whatever you choose to change to.
Never condone abuse — Put a stop to abusive behaviour, immediately. Set your boundaries. Get yourself out of an abusive environment immediately.
Choose to be happy at all times.
Don’t be a coward. Face your issues head on.
Encounters with people reveal sides of you that will hopefully make one a better person.
Don’t stoop low to other people’s levels. Do your best to pull them up to yours, if they wish and rise higher.
Don’t copy others.
Don’t give a toss what others think of you.
Better to be alone and happy, then in a relationship and unhappy.
Other stress related conditions are High Blood Pressure, Peptic Ulcer, Auto-Immune Conditions like Psoriasis. It is worth digging deep to find out the cause of the stress and eliminating the stress.
Thinking back now, may be Cannabidiol might have worked for Sasha. Apart from decreasing the sebum secretion by Acne cells, Cannabidiol helps to relieve Anxiety, which Sasha experienced a lot from the stress of her relationship. She would have had to to tackle the underlying cause of the stress, which was ‘living a lie’.